(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)
MY FUN-DOCTOR POLITICAL VIEW WISE-CRACK OF THE DAY:
“Un-necessity is the father of all dis-invention; politics,its prime unwanted child!”
AND YES, THIS ENUNCIATION HAS BECOME ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY IN CURRENT TIMES !!!
(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)
An old man went to Engg. College where he studied at.
He knocked on Room 23 of the hostel and said: “May I come in. I lived in this
room 30 yrs ago when I studied in this college.”
A young man opened the door & let him in.
The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.
He said: “The same old room, same old wooden table, ventilator & same old
window that opens to the garden & the same old bed”
When examining it he found a young girl under the bed.
Seeing her the old man went bonkers as he exclaimed, “…and the same girl, still not old even after 30 years!” but was brought back to sanity by the girl remarking, “Oh, actually that was my mother ” !
(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks “What do they do here?” He is told “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks “What do they do here?”
He is told “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells – why are there so many people waiting to get in?
“Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria…”
And a short, quickie !!!
In 1975, 6 birds were flying in the sky. Suddenly, 3 of them dropped dead on the ground.
Why??
Becoz Gabbar had shot 3 bullets in the air !!
(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)
Once all sardars get disgusted about the large number of jokes that are cracked about them and so they come together in an auditorium to prove to the world that aren’t that silly after all.
They call upon one sardar and ask him, ‘What is 10 plus 10?’
After thinking for some time sardarji replies, ’25!’
The officials to whom they want to prove get disgusted but thousands of sardars in the auditorium start shouting, ‘Give him another chance!’
So the officials ask him again, ‘What is 5 plus 5?’
The sardar replies after thinking for awhile, ’30!’
Again there’s shouting from the audience, ‘Give him another chance!’
Another question is posed, ‘What is 2 plus 2?’
The sardarji replies after much thought, ’4′.
Again the voice of thousands shouts, ‘Give him another chance!!!!’
(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, ‘What is that shiny object?’
The clerk replies, ‘That is a thermos flask.’
The sardar then asks, ‘What does it do?’
The clerk responds, ‘It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.’
The sardar says, ‘I’ll take it!’
The next day, he walks into his office with his new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks, ‘What is that shiny object with you?’
He says, ‘It’s a thermos flask.’
The boss then says,’What does it do?’
He replies, ‘It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.’
The boss says, ‘Wow, what do you have in it?’
The sardar replies, ‘Two cups of coffee and a coke.’
(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)
It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia
asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old
secrets.
When he looked at the sky he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea.
He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of
Meteorology and asked, ‘Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?’
The meteorologist responded, ‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.’
So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?’
The meteorologist again replied, ‘Yes, it’s going to be a very cold winter.’
The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every
scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?’ he asked.
‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ the elder asked.
The weatherman replied, ‘Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that’s always a sure sign.’
(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)
A redneck family from the hills were visiting New York city and they went to a mall for the first time in their lives.
The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, “Paw, what’s at?”
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I dunno. I ain’t never seen anything like that in my whole life, I ain’t got no idea what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son……….
“Boy………………go gitcha Momma………….
(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Parliament house.; one from Wellington, another from Christchurch and the third, from Kaitaia.
They go with a government official to examine the fence.
The Wellington contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well”, he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Christchurch contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Kaitaia contractor doesn’t measure or figure but leans over to the Government official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Kaitaia contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Christchurch to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
And that friends, is how it all works!
(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)
Benefits of having Alzheimer’s disease:
5. You never have to watch reruns on television.
4. You are always meeting new people.
3. You don’t have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.
2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.
1. Mysteries are always interesting.
(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)
A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach complaints. The doctor asks him what he’s been eating.
“I only eat pool balls,” he says. “Red ones for breakfast, yellow & orange ones for lunch, blue for evening snacks, and purple & black for dinner.”
“I see the problem,” says the doctor. “You’re not getting enough greens!”
“I did try those, but my stomach never agrees with greens,” said the man.
“Oh no, take them as spinach and not as chillies!” replied the wise fun-doctor.