Humour from A to Z

ACTOR: Someone who tries to be everyone but himself.

BABY: Alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.

CAREER WOMAN: One who goes out and earns a man’s salary instead of sitting at home and taking it away from him.

DANCING: The art of pulling your feet away faster than your partner can step on them.

EARLY RISING: Triumph of mind over mattress. (Click to view the risque version.) (Triumph of Viagra over mind.)

FAME: Being known to those who do not know us.

GASTRIC-ULCER: Something we get by mountain-climbing over the mole-hills.

HANGOVER: Something to occupy the head that wasn’t used the night before.

ILLEGIBILITY: A doctor’s prescription written with a post office pen in the crumpled seat of a jerkily-moving second hand car.

JUDGE: A law student who marks his own papers.

KISS: A course of procedure for the mutual stoppage of speech when words are superfluous.

LAWYER: A man who is willing to go out and spend your last Rupee to prove that he is right.

MAN: A creature of superior intelligence who elects creatures of inferior intelligence to govern him.

NECK: Something that, if you don’t stick out, you won’t get into trouble upto.

OBESITY: A surplus gone to waist.

PARATROOPER: A soldier who climbs down trees he never climbed up.

QUERY: The antithesis of a reply.

RADIO: An instrument that talks until you have a headache, then advertises to sell you something to relieve it.

SECOND MARRIAGE: Triumph of hope over experience.

TELEVISION: A radio with eyestrain.

UMBRELLA: A shelter for one and a shower bath for two.

VIRUS: A Latin word used by doctors to mean, “Your guess is as good as mine”.

WAITER: A man for whom money grows on trays!

X: A teacher’s response to the student who drew a blank on the answer sheet.

YAWN: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

ZOO: A place devised for animals to study the habits of human beings.

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