In Love with Myself

My short, fun- Autobiography:

A seriously fun filled tribute to Narcissism !

Love is perhaps the most divine virtue the Creator has endowed mankind with. It is what differentiates a man from a beast. We all love someone or the other at all times. And we all love to talk about our loved ones, which is why I have chosen to talk about myself – the person I have doted on all my life !

I have always been intensely in love with myself. I remember the days when, even as a tiny tot, I wouldn’t let anyone bother myself more than I would allow. I would be the one to take permission from if parents wanted to do anything unto myself : be it bathing, feeding, caressing or fondling me. I always fought to a finish to secure for me all comforts which I considered befitting myself. Of course, I  would never allow them to spank, scold or even sneer at me; such procedures I regarded as flagrantly atrocious to be tried upon such a sweet child as myself !

For friends and relatives desirous of an interaction with myself, I was the one to have sanction granted from. All through my tender years, I strove unflinchingly to protect myself from their annoyingly belittling, teasing and ridiculing intentions. As a result, none could ever dare to take liberties with me – a state of affairs which I found eminently suitable for the sensibilities of the very special person I regarded myself !

When I entered school, I constantly felt threatened by that savage tribe of individuals that carry the designation: teacher. Its members would show vengeful vindictiveness towards me just because I could not spare myself enough time to do that most useless of all tasks, the ‘home-task’. They never could understand that I found twenty four hours’ time in a day too insufficient even to perform the task of taking care of myself. In order to escape their wrath, I had to learn to play a notorious, though most soul-relieving game, viz. playing truant. While playing that solo game, I could be totally at ease with myself !

College life offered deliverance from spiteful teachers and home-tasks. Just as I was beginning to enjoy the respite, trouble erupted once again. I found myself getting lured by the charms of the fair sex. A good many maidens appeared to be vying with each other for holding my attention; a few caught it keenly enough to make myself start feeling infatuated. I sensed that the situation was fraught with perilous consequences. Allowing a damsel to influence my feelings carried the prospect of losing hold on myself. I was not prepared for it; not yet, at least. Realizing this, I promptly proceeded to insulate myself from feminine attractions. And I was mighty glad once again to be all by myself !

I finished college achieving above-average grade and with the qualifications acquired was able to secure myself a safe job in a reputed concern. Life, from then on, promised to be bliss. I felt that for the rest of my days I could be all by myself and lead a peaceful, contented life. It turned out I had heaved my sigh of relief a little too soon!

Having greatly succeeded, throughout my life, in keeping at bay all sorts of infringements upon my person by parents, friends, relatives, teachers, members of the fair sex et al, I had come to regard myself as a ‘man among men’ when, on a fateful day, I succumbed to a temptation which is the bane of all men. I decided to get married, little realizing what it really might do to myself !

My wife proved to be a very loving person; but therein was the catch. Before long, her love for me appeared to be surpassing in intensity the love I had for myself. She would love to make me move according to her best judgments and coax me into becoming the kind of man she would want to see myself as. I would have to eat, drink and wear what she felt was best for myself. I would have to inculcate the kind of society she thought befitted myself. And to take up a spare job/side business to earn more so as to buy her more dresses, jewelery, home appliances and what-have-you to be one up with the Joneses next door. I appeared to be losing steerage over myself. A tussle ensued between us, with each trying to be in charge of myself !

The tussle continues to date and is likely to do so ad infinitum, unless….The prospects don’t look very bright with neither party relenting!

Narcissism, as a result, has become a truly serious business for myself !   :P

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