Its a Ball Game!

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

This analogy makes perfect sense!

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE INEVITABLE CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your fixation on balls become.

Therefore, one might conclude, there must be a ton of people in NEW DELHI and NEW YORK obsessed with playing marbles!

(PS: I love playing sub-atomic micro-mini marbles!!!)

Forgetfully yours!

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

An old couple in their 80s were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked up to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctor’s clinic, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking them up, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going?” He replied, “To the kitchen.” She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” He replied, “Sure.” She then asked him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” He said, “No, I can remember that.”

She then said, “Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that.” He said, “I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.” She replied, “Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down.”

With irritation in his voice, he said, “I don’t need to write that down! I can remember that.” He then fumed his way into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: “I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!”


Doctored Movie Titles !

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

Agar  Doctor  log  Bollywood  Films  banana shuru  kar  dein  to  unke  titles  honge:

Hum Blood De Chuke Sanam

Mere Yaar Ki Endoscopy Hai

Kaho Na Diabetes Hai

Kash Aap Hamari Patient Hoti

Pregnant Banaya Apne

Paralysed Ho Na Ho

Kabhi  ICU  Kabhi  CCU

Hamara Stethoscope Aapke Paas Hai

Operation To Hona Hi Tha

Phir Haddi Fracture

Hypertension For You

Om Surgery Om !

Bad conductor

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.
He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there’s a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it’s Texas he’s sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he’s sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
“Well” says the man, “is that your packed lunch over there?” “Yes” answers the executioner. “Can I have that green banana?”
The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he’s eaten it. When the man’s finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can’t believe it.
“Can I go?” the man asks. “I suppose so” says the executioner, “that’s never happened before.”
The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.
The bloke is again sat in the chair. “What is your final wish?” asks the executioner. “Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?” says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can’t believe it and lets the man go.
Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.
“What’s your final wish ?” asks the executioner. “Well” says the man, “Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?” The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.
“I give up” says the executioner, “I don’t understand how you
can still be alive after all that?”. He stroked his chin. “It’s something to do with that green banana isn’t it” he asked.
“Naah” said the bloke,
“I’m just a really bad conductor”

Walkman

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a  dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.  Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank  of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening  to his Walkman!

I am Dara Singh !

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

Daara Singh, in his hey- day as the World Freestyle Wrestling Champion received an offer to star in his first Bollywood phillum. Along with it came a one way air ticket to Bombay.

An excited Daara reached Palam Airport, all agog to board the plane. As soon as it landed on tarmac, he made a dash for it. A worried attendant cautioned him with a “wait, please!”  Daara Singh, with his abundant (mis) understanding of English, heard in his mind “weight, please?” and gleefully blurted out with a puffed up chest: “Two Hundred & Fifty Kg.”!

The air-hostess inside the plane got to know about his star-status and began to drool over & bee around him. Her indulgent “Are you comfortable & ‘relaxing’, Sir?” evoked a “No, I am Daara Singh” from an indignant Daara who chose, nevertheless, to forgive the pretty young thing for what he perceived to be her faux pas!

A little while later, while the plane was airborne, Daara suddenly sneezed and the entire plane shook violently. A thoroughly concerned hostess dashed to his seat with the medicine chest & asked him solicitously, “Are you suffering from cold?”, only to hear him contemptuously reply “No, I am ‘safar ’ing from Delhi to Bombay” !

(In “reverential good-humour” only to a true Indian Idol of his times who ‘safar’ed straight into the hearts of his innumerable fans, his last outing having been in the role of the ‘adorable grandpa’ in JAB WE MET !)

 

First Class Blonde !

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

CONTINUING IN MY CURRENT  VEIN OF BLONDE FASCINATION !!!

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that’s the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.”

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.” He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
“I told her first class isn’t going to Detroit.”

Blonde logic !

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

A BLONDE BIMBO’S DIARY NOTES :

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..”duh”…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!

March – Got excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said “2-4 years!”

April – Trapped on escalator for hours…..power went out!!!

May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August – Got locked out of car in rain storm…..car swamped, because top was down.

September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

October – Hate M & M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…..instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December – Couldn’t call 911…..”duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button on the phone!!!

What a year!!

Game of intelligence

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

Mr. Swallow Quick

(Did you know “A joke a day keeps the doctor away”? Unless he happens to be your fun-Doctor, in which case enhanced empathy with him is the outcome!)

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?”

The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he’s doing all this drinking.

“You’d drink them this fast too if you had what I have.”

The bartender hastily asks, “What do you have pal?”

The man quickly replies, “I have a dollar.”